bullying Archives - Albertamamas.com

When the “Bully” Tables Turn

My daughter has seen her share of bullies and she’s only in Grade 2. From preschool on there’s always been that one child. She has been the child who runs to the teacher immediately so has been a “bully” target because of it. My initial reaction is Mama Bear but almost always secondary I wonder about the child. We know that kids who bully are sometimes modelling behavior they’ve seen or as the Have You Filled a Bucket book says, they have an empty bucket and don’t understand that hurting others won’t fill theirs.

Honestly, I’ve thrown my Judgy Jessie hat on more times than I care to admit when watching said children’s interaction with their parents. Saying to myself, “Ah, now it makes sense”. Does it though? Do I know the back ground of what’s going on with that family? No, I don’t and I hate judgment. I feel guilty every time I think back to any time I decided to do that to another human being.

Let me tell you why this has suddenly become so clear to me that it’s the wrong thing to do. Because recently, it was MY daughter that was the bully.

And I am sort of ashamed it came to that. I’m not going to get in to great detail but she made some bad choices, along with some other kids that were making bad choices. The only reason I know is because her little bro ended up being involved.

When she finally opened up and let me know what was going on I was in shock. It was like the first time you realize your parents aren’t perfect. MY DAUGHTER? The “tattle tale”, help everyone who’s in trouble, compassionate, smart, funny little girl had made the CHOICE to treat others badly. Needless to say it was a very long conversation. Followed by further conversations with her AMAZING teacher, and at least one apology letter being written.

In the end, I feel like the whole situation was one of the best things that could have happened to our family. They say kids teach you more than you teach them. Truth. I had to hold in my reactions and think a lot about how to make this a teachable time. I also took this as an opportunity to remind her that I’m here to help her get through mistakes like these. She learned from this, showed remorse and even now, weeks later, we discuss it as a cautionary tale.

Cause kids make mistakes. Our kids make them, other kids make them and we make them too. Our job as adults is to help them through, learn as we go and withhold the judgment against other adults who are maybe just doing the best they can.

I know that’s what I am hoping for the next time either of my kids decide to dabble in bad choices. I’d love to say they’ll never do anything like this again, but if I thought that, then this situation would have taught me nothing.

Get Ready for Pink Shirt Day with London Drugs (+ Giveaway)!

Have you heard of Pink Shirt Day? On February 28th show your support and take a stand against cyberbullying by wearing pink!

There’s a few big reasons why I can get behind Pink Shirt Day. Here’s Why:

If you think cyberbullying isn’t a thing, think again. 1 in 5 kids are affected by it. (source: pinkshirtday.ca)
It is impossible to escape/avoid this type of bullying. In the “old” days we could go home after a rough day and at least get away from a bullying situation that was taking place at school. With technology and connections everywhere, this is so much more difficult.
We all know that bullying, of any kind, is devastating and can have major impacts for the victim. I was bullied by a particular boy in elementary school. 25 years later I can tell you exactly what the bully said to me, how he made me feel and how no one did anything about it.
Fundraising, awareness and net proceeds from official Pink Shirt Day shirts, texting gloves and other accessories (sold exclusively at London Drugs) goes to support youth anti-bullying programs- including local Boys and Girls Clubs. Previous to my becoming a mom, I worked for Boys and Girls Clubs and I can tell you first hand the amount of work that goes into these programs and that they have the power to change a child’s life!
Pink, it’s my favourite colour:)

Purchase your official Pink Shirt Day t-shirt, texting gloves & more from London Drugs and wear it on February 28th to stand up to cyberbullying! Net proceeds of the official t-shirts will support youth anti-bullying programs. This year, Pink Shirt Day is encouraging everyone- no matter what age- to think twice before posting something negative online, and instead use the internet to spread kindness. Nice needs no filter!

We’ve teamed up with London Drugs to support Pink Shirt Day and we’ve got a $50 Gift Card for one lucky winner! Enter below via Rafflecopter. Good Luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

How Kindness Leads to Happier Healthier Kids

By Alisa Taylor

It seems so simple. Just be kind to each other. Mean comments online have far-reaching effects and can be devastating for our kids. What starts off as something meant to be funny or a joke, can quickly escalate into something embarrassing or hurtful. A child’s fragile self-esteem can be shattered in one disparaging remark or one unassuming photo. With so many kids fuelling their confidence through their online personas and the reliance upon “hearts” and “likes” for self-preservation, it is not a surprise that self-esteem is falling. In a recent UK study, researchers found that just 33% of 14 and 15 year old girls felt good about themselves. Researchers suggested that the decline in girls’ self esteem was linked to their online activity.

With the ability to share messages and pictures now, cyberbullying, hurtful comments and the pressure to “act” a certain way online is a new dimension our kids have to navigate. These online pressures spill into real life for them. As parents, we didn’t have this online world to navigate growing up. The mean words ended at the school yard or in a note we could tear up and throw away. They didn’t follow us home and spread to our safe places. But there is something we can encourage and model for our kids that will not only contribute to a healthier and safer environment both online and offline, but will also improve their well being. Kindness.

Random acts of kindness are scientifically shown to help us lead longer, happier, more energetic lives. That feeling we get after performing a kind act or doing a good deed is often referred to as the ‘Helper’s High’. The term was coined by Allan Luks and is described as “the powerful physical feelings people experience when directly helping others”.

Acts of kindness contribute to the release of the hormone oxytocin which plays a role in lowering blood pressure and improved cardiovascular health. Oxytocin also assists in reducing inflammation, which contributes to the aging process. In a study in the Journal of Social Psychology, a group of participants who performed a daily act of kindness for 10 days reported a higher boost of happiness compared to the group who did not. And possibly the best side effect of kindness? The fact that it is contagious.

One kind, thoughtful comment or gesture has a ripple effect that can positively influence the recipient, those who witness the act as well as the kindness provider. Those feel-good emotions that are stimulated, tend to reinforce the power of a good deed and motivates us to keep it going.

Our kids don’t have to be friends with everyone they meet or talk to online, but we can encourage them to be kind to everyone. The spread of mean messages can be prevented by a movement towards kindness and the upward spiral that follows. Encourage your kids to choose kindness and they will live a happier, healthier life because of it.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Alisa is a former Criminal Intelligence Analyst and has worked in law enforcement for the last 15 years. She is passionate about keeping kids safe and kind online and ensuring they thrive in our digital world. When Alisa isn’t online, you might spot her in the YEG river valley with her dogs, husband, and daughter or escaping the city for a weekend of camping. You can follow Alisa on her blog The Lotus Page as well as on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.