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An Open Letter to The Tooth Fairy

Hi Tooth Fairy,

How are you? Business going well? If our house is any indication of how busy you are you must be worked off your feet. I know I should be excited about you coming by all the time but frankly I am exhausted. Sure it was fun for the first little while but now it seems like you’re here all the time. Can we maybe go over a few things that I have been thinking about to make both of our lives easier?

  1. You have got to get your pricing figured out. I mean come on kids talk on the playground! One kid is getting a quarter and the other gets $20. How about you stick to $1 maybe $2 (because we all know that having change around in an electronic world is tough so we can’t be picky about coin choice some nights) and that’s it. Keep it simple.
  2. Speaking of coins when can we expect payment to be made electronically? As mentioned above you can’t possibly have change on you all the time. When the kid loses a tooth at 9pm and you have to go to the bank, pull out $20 and then to 7-eleven and buy a bag of chips to break the $20 you must get exhausted. I know I would.
  3. Can we also start limiting the amount a kid can talk about a loose tooth to 10 times a day? I can’t wiggle a tooth in the back of my kids’ mouth and pretend it has gotten looser any more than that.
  4. Also let’s get a few facts straight about you. Where do you live? How do you make the money you leave? What do you do with the teeth once you pick them up from our house? I am getting asked all these hard questions and Google just isn’t helping.
  5. Can you start coming during the day? I know it is off brand but excited kids stay up really late. Really really late. Wouldn’t it be easier to sneak in after lunch and leave $1 on the counter? Just think about it. Then you can spend your nights having a glass of your favourite red wine and not worry about waking up in time, wiping the drool off your face, and turning Netflix off just to sneak into their rooms while avoiding all the Lego on the ground.

I don’t think I am asking too much here. I mean I love your work and there is nothing better than watching my kids get so excited to have you come to the house but come on. Let’s work together a bit to make everyone’s life easier.


A concerned parent