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3 Things Parents Need to do to Help Empower a Child with Perfectionist Tendencies

3 Part Series… Part 2 , Part 1

Part 3: GIVE Skills/technique or appreciation-based praise & AVOID person, looks, or talent-based praise.

I had been called ‘fatty’ by some family members for a large part of my childhood years. I was actually within a healthy weight according to medical standards, but I started to believe deep down, I was ‘too fat’ (aka not good enough.) 

But when I hit puberty, my body changed and one day I was suddenly ‘complimented’ by a female member of my extended family who said “Oh wow Ashley. You’re so skinny now. You’ve lost so much weight. You look great.” 

I was 12 years old. I was floored. My mind jumped with excitement.

I had never been called ‘skinny’ before! Throughout my formative years I was told I was fat. 

So, what happened? I glommed on to this new-found approval, beginning my infatuation with wanting to be skinny so I could retain the approval I was getting… The ‘fatty’ comments I got before were constantly telling me that I was “not good enough.”

Where did this land me? 

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Leaf Art

Although some parts of the province have already *gasp* seen snow there is still time to do some leaf art with the kids. Not only is this easy to do the clean up is minimal! No glitter all over the house with this project.

This is also great activity to get you outside. Not only will you enjoy a walk you will get the opportunity to pause and look closely at different shapes, sizes and textures of the leaves with the kids.

What you need:

  • leaves and twigs
  • cardstock or other thick paper
  • glue (I used a glue gun to make sure it stuck flat but white glue or a glue stick works too)
  • sharpies
  1. On your walk collect different leaves and start thinking about what they could be.
  2. Arrange the leaves on the paper the way the child wants and glue the leaves and twigs down.
  3. Draw funny faces, legs, arms and other details on the leaf and around it.

This is one of the easiest fall activities and they make great artwork for the fridge!

What is Camp Yowochas Learning Academy?

Camp Yowochas has been running year-round programs since 1981, and summer camp programs since 1916. But this year, they’re offering something completely new! A way for your kids to get their regular schooling done, but ALSO enjoy the benefits of the outdoors.

In 2019, Camp Yowochas hosted over 8,300 visitors, including summer campers,  schools, user groups and employ up to 60 staff members during the high season. Located in Fallis, AB, this year, they are offering Yowochas Learning Academy

The Yowochas Learning Academy is designed for students who have chosen a distance or virtual learning option with their school division. The Camp Yowochas team will work with the parents of the students to understand and schedule their day to ensure they are meeting all curriculum needs.VLDC is for students who are 5-15 and enrolled in kindergarten to grade 9. 

“In a typical year at Camp Yowochas, our staff are busy providing programs for more than 8,000 guests throughout the year. The COVID-19 pandemic changed everything this year, and we worked hard to figure out safe, responsible and meaningful ways to continue to run programs at Camp Yowochas. Through our summer Family Fun Days, Cabins at Yowochas and the Yowochas Learning Academy, we continue to support our community by offering programs that meet their needs in these uncertain times.”
– Terry Kony, Director, Camp Yowochas

Designed With Parents In Mind

As the Alberta Mamas, obviously, we are parents ourselves and we know that we’ve all had to make changes AND choices that have not been easy. Camp Yowochas wants to provide parents with the opportunity to return to work with the peace of mind of knowing their children are safe and progressing in their learning and development. 

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Day-Tripping: Haskap Picking at Rosy Farms

UPick season is here!

We are all feeling it – the need to “get out” but the worry of too many people, not enough distance…it can make anyone want to stay at home. After being cooped up for too long, we decided to get out of the city for the day and go pick some Haskaps at Rosy Farm’s UPick for a fun treat, some fresh country air, and a whole lotta Blue Skies. 

For those that are wondering “what the heck is a Haskap?” prepare to have your mind (and tastebuds) blown. 

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HELPING EMPOWER A CHILD WITH PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES – PART 2

By Ashley Anjlien Kumar, The Confidence Coach

In Part 1 of this 3-part series, I described some of the behaviours a child might exhibit if they have perfectionist tendencies. To refresh your memory, check out the post here. Not only will this help a child with perfectionism, but it can prevent it from developing in the first place.

PART 2: CELEBRATE MISTAKES

Sounds counter-intuitive doesn’t it? Aren’t we supposed to prevent our kids from making mistakes? As kids we were always cautioned against making mistakes, right? So why do I want to celebrate my kids mistakes?

I hear kids all the time, especially in a dance class or sports, “I hope I don’t make a mistake” or “I hope I don’t get it wrong.” They hope they don’t make a mistake because they view the mistake as a diminishment of who they are. That somehow, they aren’t good enough. Many kids, by age 5 or 6 years old, are already determining their self-worth by their mistakes.

In my family, similar to many conservative traditional families, making mistakes was not okay. You did not make mistakes. Mistakes meant punishments. 

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Homemade Paint!

homemade paint

As we spend more time at home and try to not run to the store for every little thing, I am finding that we are trying to use what we already have on hand. Or, make what we need from things we have here. OR, just make things because we have nothing else to do! For my son’s Art Week at school we were given some projects to create at home. One of the projects was window painting with homemade paint. I wanted to share it here because it’s quick, fun and cleans up easily!

Homemade Paint

Homemade Paint

  • Flour
  • Liquid Dish Soap
  • Warm Water
  • Food Colouring

Mix equal parts of flour, soap and warm water in a large bowl. We used 1/2 a cup of each, but depending on how much paint you’d like you can adjust. Use a whisk to ensure that all the flour is mixed in. Find some small bowls and add the uncoloured paint to them. We used old plastic applesauce containers that I keep in the craft supplies. Use food colouring to create your own custom colours of paint! A while back at the grocery store I found these Neon food colours, they created some really pretty shades.

homemade paint

We painted on the window at our front door with a variety of brush types. Any mistakes we made were easily wiped away with a wet cloth. We also tried the paint on paper and canvas, with success!

homemade painting

What homemade projects have you been enjoying with the kids? Let us know!

Every Day GirlEdmonton Real Estate

 

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3 THINGS PARENTS NEED TO DO TO HELP EMPOWER A CHILD WITH PERFECTIONIST TENDENCIES

By Ashley Anjlien Kumar, The Confidence Coach

Does your child get down on herself? Is she hard on herself? A ‘perfectionist’ child? 

Some parents have reached out to me to ask what they can do to help their child who they believe has perfectionist tendencies. As someone who grew up with a mother with perfectionist tendencies, I picked up those qualities too in many ways. It isn’t easy going into the adult world expecting and wanting things to be perfect from the start, and then realizing there will be many roadblocks, ‘plan B’s’ – which a perfectionist mostly hates, and even failures. — What? Failure? Aarrgh (running in the opposite direction…Right?)

I’ve been working on those tendencies since I was 19 years old and have worked to diminish the effects of these habits on my life. There are adults in their 60’s now trying to unravel their perfectionist habits so they can learn to enjoy life more. This is isn’t easy as we get older, so the sooner we start with young kids, the better off they will be in the long run.

There isn’t one single answer that will ‘fit’ each child because each child is unique. But here are some ways to help your child that will benefit her regardless, and will help to increase the connection in your relationship.

First, what are some signs of a perfectionist child?

  • Gives up easily after only 1 or 2 attempts of something,
  • Unable to overcome mistakes,
  • Has difficulty managing change,
  • Self-critical, self-conscious, or easily embarrassed,
  • Sensitive to criticism even if it’s constructive,
  • Anxiety about making mistakes,
  • Procrastinates or avoids challenging tasks,
  • Tendency to stay in comfort zone,
  • Emotionally and socially inhibited,
  • Critical of others,
  • Difficulty decision making…

These are just a few.

So what can you do?

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Mother’s Day DIY #TakeOverThursday

Coffee Grounds – Repurposing for Masks and More!

One of my favourite things to do is to use things I have around the house for multiple purposes. Almost everything has multiple purposes – Pinterest is an AMAZING example/rabbit hole of this – so when you are done with your coffee for its initial intended energizing properties, what else can it do for you?

I absolutely love this face mask for many reasons – coffee has potent antioxidant properties that can help protect your skin from sun damage, temporarily firm up the skin, and overall promote good skin health. All you need are a few things from the pantry, some used coffee grounds, and some self-care time. It’s also a great gift to mix up and pop in a self-care basket for a friend or a special mom in your life!

You’ll Need:

  • ½ Cup used coffee grounds (cooled)
  • ½ Cup unsweetened cocoa powder (organic if possible)
  • 1 Cup Whole Milk or Unsweetened Almond Milk
  • 1 Tbsp of Lemon Juice (fresh, not the fake stuff/If you have dry skin, substitute with Olive Oil or Almond Oil)
  • 1 Tbsp of Honey (for oily or acne prone skin, use additional lemon juice instead of honey)
  • A bowl

Directions:

Mix the coffee grounds and cocoa powder together in the bowl. Add milk and stir into a paste – use less if you want a thicker paste. Add in the lemon juice and honey, stir until you get the consistency you want – spreadable and thick but not overly gloopy or runny. Add more milk if it’s too thick, add more coffee grounds if it’s too thin. Apply to a clean, freshly washed face and allow to sit and dry for up to 20 mins. Rinse, dry, and moisturize as usual!

You can do this mask once a week (it’s especially great because of the firming properties before an event – when we get to go to them again) and you can keep the leftover mixture in an air-tight container in the fridge for about a week (smell it first – it’s the milk that will go off) – if you have any leftover, that is! It also makes an amazing scrub in the shower to help exfoliate, remove dirt, and dead skin cells on both your face and body.

Benefits of a Coffee Mask:

  • Coffee beans reduce redness and inflammation and can reduce the look of under-eye circles because it helps circulate blood flow.
  • Cocoa powder is high in sulfur, which helps fight acne. It’s also an amazing antioxidant!
  • Milk helps with hydration and that healthy “Glow”
  • Lemon Juice helps brighten, tighten and lighten with the power of Vitamin C
  • Honey is super moisturizing and the natural wax allows the skin to retain that hydration!

Keep those grounds! 

Coffee grounds are so multi-purpose. I usually keep them both wet (for masks, scrubs and gardening/indoor plants) and dry (just leave in a bowl and stir every so often to dry it out, for an easy mosquito repellant). Here are some more tips!

How to Use in your Garden

Mix wet/cooled coffee grounds in with your compost, organic materials, or into soil that needs a little extra acidity, like strawberries, radishes, peppers, parsley and sweet potatoes. A little in with your tomatoes is great too (as well as crushed eggshells) – just work about ¼ of a cup into the soil. If you have pets that might eat it, use less and really work it in so you don’t end up with over-caffeinated puppers. 

And those lemons that you juiced? Use the shells for easy seed starters – Just remove all the pulp from inside with a spoon, cut the bottom a bit so it stands up (but doesn’t make a hole), place in a tray (I love reusing berry containers for this purpose) fill with potting soil and add your seeds! When it’s time to add them to the garden, just poke a hole in the bottom, pop them into the holes and cover with dirt – it’s quick, easy + compostable!

For Mosquitoes/bugs – Burn those coffee grounds!

  • Start with DRY, used coffee grounds.
  • Place the grounds in a bowl or on a flat surface outside.
  • Burn the grounds like you would incense.
  • Choose a spot upwind for best results.
  • Keep away from places pets/children might hit or step on them.
  • Set up a few throughout your yard to maximize the effect!

As we learn to do more with less, and realize that many of the things we thought we needed… aren’t so necessary at all.. As we go back to nature and reusing and repurposing as alternatives for the things we can’t get as easily – not only are we returning to an all-natural way of life, but we are giving the earth a chance to heal.

Jeanie is a Mom, Master Aromatherapist and the Owner of WildRose Perfumery, where each scent is carefully blended and hand-crafted. Each creation is made specifically for you based on your personal tastes, with care and attention to every detail, with organic, natural materials and pure Essential Oils. Jeanie also hosts other local makers on her website! 

Ten Silver Linings to Self-Isolation

Negativity and fear seem to be a daily fixture in society right now.

I know I have had many sleepless nights and tumultuous days worrying about everything that is beyond my control.  In order to maintain sanity I have chosen to focus on what we still have, and some positive changes amongst all of this crazy Covid-19 chaos. Last night as my husband and I curled up with our glass of wine to watch the last episode of Tiger King, it dawned on me that this was the first Netflix series we had been able to watch in its entirety since the birth of our first daughter seven years ago! We have a million series we want to watch, but never the time to sit down and binge. This hiatus has allowed us the gift of trashy television viewing without guilt! So here are a few more silver linings I’ve been able to identify amongst one of the larger storm clouds of our lives.

#1 The excuse to wear crap clothing

For reasons unbeknownst to everyone, including myself, I have saved much of my childrens’ hole-y, ripped and slightly stained clothing. This is perfect, because now we can save our nicer and more socially acceptable wardrobes for the return to normalcy. As for now, its shredded leggings and mismatched socks all the way! 

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Dear Easter Bunny: It’s OK If You Want To Half-Ass It This Year

It’s a weird time. Days are blending together, time doesn’t matter, putting on real pants has gone by the wayside, and for most kids the severity of the situation has probably sunk in. They are missing friends and family, their activities, and the freedom to play in the park. Parents are struggling with working from home, layoffs, teaching their children, and more.

This isn’t easy.

So we wanted to write to the Easter Bunny and let him know that it’s OK to chill a bit this year.

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